Things have changed....
...you can find me here:
meghannmcfadden.blogspot.com
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Epic
It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm sitting here in a state of mixed feelings. I'm nervous. Excited. Scared. And at the same time completely at ease. All I can think about is how in one week I will more than likely be laying in a bed at my parents house feeling all of these emotions times one million. I can't imagine that I will be sleeping, although I will know that I should be.
Too much excitement is going to be keeping me awake. Did we get everything done? Did we forget something? Will it rain? Will I look pretty? Will I fall?
I will only live one more week of my life as Meghann Leigh Shoulders. I've gone 25 years as a certain identity. Was I living my entire life to prepare to become a different legal name? Was I born Meghann McFadden and just not know it?
Does our name decide who we are?
In my church, the sacrament of marriage is permanent. We went through several hours of counseling and took a test to make sure this is the right decision. The test highlighted issues that might need further discussion. It isn't pass/fail. It's just a way to begin conversation of the things we might need to discuss before we jump into this. We had to be prepared to face all obstacles. This really is through good times and bad.
I've never once doubted my decision to live the rest of my life with Mike. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him long ago. We have been through rough storms, and I know we will have more to come. But at the end of the day, I can't imagine fighting with anyone else. I can't imagine anyone else being the father of my children. And, I can't imagine growing old without him leading the way.
He's my best friend. I found in him all of the qualities I was ever looking for. He is a breathing example of the cliche: he completes me. While we share many traits in common, he picks up the slack in my faults. I am the realistic one, he is the dreamer. I am vulnerable, he is the protector. I am the planner, he is spontaneous. We are a balance.
I am not nervous to marry him, but I am nervous about the changes that will take place in our lives because we are married. Will I be a good wife? When will we have children? Will we be good parents? Is marriage different than what our lives are like right now? Am I old enough to be doing this?
At times I tell myself, this isn't a big deal. You've lived together for three years now. It's just a piece of paper.
But, it is a big deal.
I am going in front of my family and friends and proclaiming my choice in front of God.
How many times in YOUR life do you proclaim something in front of God? This is important. I am promising to have and to hold in sickness and in health.
I am proclaiming that I am in love
that I have found my soul mate
that I am going to live in unity
that I have made an educated decision
that as a Catholic I will marry Michael Patrick McFadden.
Even though I know I won't, I hope that in one week I can tell myself to be at ease. That even though we might have forgotten something, no matter how I look, even if I fall none of that will matter. I hope that in one week I will be sleeping and ready for not only the most important day in my life thus far, but for the most exciting.
Nik keeps telling me, it's just a party. A big party- and if I know how to do anything- it's how to throw a party.
In the fall semester of 2008, I took an Expository Writing class. We were instructed to do some research on our names and write something about what we found. I've been saving posting this for a long time. Maybe I should have waited a few more days, but I couldn't anymore. I am anxious and excited. It's not perfect, but for the occasion, I believe fitting.
Enjoy!
Too much excitement is going to be keeping me awake. Did we get everything done? Did we forget something? Will it rain? Will I look pretty? Will I fall?
I will only live one more week of my life as Meghann Leigh Shoulders. I've gone 25 years as a certain identity. Was I living my entire life to prepare to become a different legal name? Was I born Meghann McFadden and just not know it?
Does our name decide who we are?
In my church, the sacrament of marriage is permanent. We went through several hours of counseling and took a test to make sure this is the right decision. The test highlighted issues that might need further discussion. It isn't pass/fail. It's just a way to begin conversation of the things we might need to discuss before we jump into this. We had to be prepared to face all obstacles. This really is through good times and bad.
I've never once doubted my decision to live the rest of my life with Mike. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him long ago. We have been through rough storms, and I know we will have more to come. But at the end of the day, I can't imagine fighting with anyone else. I can't imagine anyone else being the father of my children. And, I can't imagine growing old without him leading the way.
He's my best friend. I found in him all of the qualities I was ever looking for. He is a breathing example of the cliche: he completes me. While we share many traits in common, he picks up the slack in my faults. I am the realistic one, he is the dreamer. I am vulnerable, he is the protector. I am the planner, he is spontaneous. We are a balance.
I am not nervous to marry him, but I am nervous about the changes that will take place in our lives because we are married. Will I be a good wife? When will we have children? Will we be good parents? Is marriage different than what our lives are like right now? Am I old enough to be doing this?
At times I tell myself, this isn't a big deal. You've lived together for three years now. It's just a piece of paper.
But, it is a big deal.
I am going in front of my family and friends and proclaiming my choice in front of God.
How many times in YOUR life do you proclaim something in front of God? This is important. I am promising to have and to hold in sickness and in health.
I am proclaiming that I am in love
that I have found my soul mate
that I am going to live in unity
that I have made an educated decision
that as a Catholic I will marry Michael Patrick McFadden.
Even though I know I won't, I hope that in one week I can tell myself to be at ease. That even though we might have forgotten something, no matter how I look, even if I fall none of that will matter. I hope that in one week I will be sleeping and ready for not only the most important day in my life thus far, but for the most exciting.
Nik keeps telling me, it's just a party. A big party- and if I know how to do anything- it's how to throw a party.
In the fall semester of 2008, I took an Expository Writing class. We were instructed to do some research on our names and write something about what we found. I've been saving posting this for a long time. Maybe I should have waited a few more days, but I couldn't anymore. I am anxious and excited. It's not perfect, but for the occasion, I believe fitting.
Enjoy!
I was never going to be a Janet or a Donna like my father wanted. Brianne was nice, but just not quite right. Meghann was just simply the only possible name I could ever have. My parents are educators and stress the importance of literature in people's lives. It isn't surprising then that I am named after a character in one of my mother's favorite books: Meg from The Thorn Birds. Staying true to the roots of the Irish name, my mother spelled it as obnoxiously as the name could be spelled. The Irish eventually dropped the second “n” in the spelling and Americans went even further to drop the “h.” Because of this progression, the original spelling has become less and less common. The name didn't reach popularity in the United States until the 1970s and still isn't one of the most popular names today. So, not only do I have an uncommon name, but I have one of the most uncommon ways of spelling it. I thought I could definitively declare that I was the only Meghann Shoulders ever in existence. I found out, I wasn't exactly right. According to the research I have found, I feel confident in saying I am the only MeghanN Shoulders in the world, but one of only two Megan's in general. A Megan Shoulders lives in Alabama, but beyond the two of us- that appears to be it.
I guess it just sticks within my personality that I would be one of very few with my full name. After twenty-four years of being much different than everyone around me, I have a tendency to want to be the only person to possess and harbor everything about myself. I want to be the only person that wears Gap Dream body spray. I want to be the only person who has a bad day and eats pasta to make it go away. I want to be the only person to be named Meghann Shoulders. In a way, it is fitting that Meghann means “a pearl” -an object that is frequently used to suggest rarity. While my parents were choosing the name for their own personal reasons, they didn't know they were shaping their daughter's destiny.
As far as my last name, it is absurd. I have always found body parts to be rather unfortunate last names, and for a long time I resented it. Why couldn't I have been Meghann Smith or Meghann Jones? But, it wouldn't have fit. As I did with most unpleasantries in my life, I used comedy to get used to my unique surname. Anytime I had to give someone the spelling, were it to run a credit check or access my bank account, I would proudly state, “Shoulders- like the body part.”
Most people gained their last names by their profession or some quality that singled them out. It is believed that Shoulders was given as a last name because of a person with very broad shoulders, or was given from the word “Shoveller,” old English name given to a person who's occupation was to shovel. There is very little information known as to where the name originated in general and especially where my family of Shoulders came from. The name is shrouded in mystery. Remarkably, along my way in life I have occasionally been asked by people I meet if I am of relation to other Shoulders they know, and several times I haven't been. I am always surprised by this. I just always imaged we were the only ones.
This May I am getting married. My father, the man who gave me my last name, will allow me to be sent off to the man who will give me my new identity. Meghann Shoulders is going to instantly be turned into a Meghann McFadden. Luckily for her, Megan Shoulders of Alabama will likely be the only one of our kind left. Because of their Irish origins, I will enter a sea of the many Meghann, Meghan, and Megan McFadden's in the world. I will no longer rely on my name as defining who I am. I can't use the line, “McFadden- like the....” because nothing seems to fill in the blank. For the first time, I will allow someone else to make part of me ordinary. But, I guess Juliet was right; s rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. No matter what you call me, I will always be a rare pearl.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The buzz the bang and the za za zoo
I haven't heard back from the cardiologist about my echo cardiogram. I have called his office twice, and both times I was told they would call me back. The second time the receptionist told me "no news is good news" and that if something was wrong, they probably would have already called me. She said this more in a tone to tell me to quit calling, though...so I don't know. I'm going to assume I am fine, though.
Although, the heart palps haven't stopped. They haven't gotten nearly as bad as the first night- but they have probably happened 5 or 6 more times. I'm not doctor, but I think I am having mini panic attacks- stress related...I have just over a month to go until the wedding, school, home life, and some other things going on right now...I mean it makes sense...I just hate it and wish it would stop.
In two- two and a half hours, my mom and I are leaving for Springfield, MO. She called me up Tuesday night and asked if I would drive her to go pick up a new standard poodle puppy. She didn't realize that's where Kashmir lives and was really happy for this surprising turn of events. So, I get to hang out with the 'Mir tonight and I couldn't be more excited. I haven't seen Kashmir since last summer and before that it was years.
I have made huge progress on wedding related things. I bought almost everything we need minus my veil, earrings, mike's wedding band, and contacts for me. Other than that our only other expenses are things like finish paying for our cake and paying to use the church and stuff. But as far as material items, we are almost done. I recently ordered our cake topper, my shoes, some favors and other things. I have been tying ribbons around things like crazy. It took me 3 hours to tie ribbons around sixty bottles of bubbles. I have eighty to go.
The best news of all is that we finally bought centerpieces. Our theme is "rustic garden party" and I really wanted to buy galvanized watering cans and use wildflowers in them. This turned into a really hard and difficult task. I couldn't find them at a reasonable price...I could find like one for five dollars and then the rest were anywhere from 30 to 200 a piece. Unreasonable. So then, we "regrouped" and tried thinking of a different idea. So, I found these really cute candle lanterns for 9.00 a piece. They were white with green vines painted on the glass. Really adorable, and I thought fit the theme. Well, Mike and I were at Hobby Lobby and we are looking around and Mike keeps trying to change the idea and is talking about doing class vases and stuff and I was getting REALLY frustrated because I felt like he was taking away from our original vision and I didn't want to do something normal. I didn't want glass vases- it's just not me.
Well...we are walking around trying to find stuff and Mike walks off without me as I go down another aisle. I found these green buckets, that I thought might be useful for something and I was calling Mike to come look. At the same time he is calling me to go see what he has. After a minute of "no you come here- no you come HERE" I finally gave in and went to see what he had spotted...
lo and behold....Mike found watering cans at 50% off. They aren't exactly galvanized. Some have decorations on them, some are plain but they are effing cute.
Now, we are working on our playlist for the reception. It's really hard, too...I want people to dance, but I also want to play music I like...but some of that isn't good for dancing, or the um..older people at the wedding will not know it and might not dance because of that...so I am trying to balance things out.
I just can't wait for it to be here and then zooming off to Vegas....we BOTH need a vacation.
Although, the heart palps haven't stopped. They haven't gotten nearly as bad as the first night- but they have probably happened 5 or 6 more times. I'm not doctor, but I think I am having mini panic attacks- stress related...I have just over a month to go until the wedding, school, home life, and some other things going on right now...I mean it makes sense...I just hate it and wish it would stop.
In two- two and a half hours, my mom and I are leaving for Springfield, MO. She called me up Tuesday night and asked if I would drive her to go pick up a new standard poodle puppy. She didn't realize that's where Kashmir lives and was really happy for this surprising turn of events. So, I get to hang out with the 'Mir tonight and I couldn't be more excited. I haven't seen Kashmir since last summer and before that it was years.
I have made huge progress on wedding related things. I bought almost everything we need minus my veil, earrings, mike's wedding band, and contacts for me. Other than that our only other expenses are things like finish paying for our cake and paying to use the church and stuff. But as far as material items, we are almost done. I recently ordered our cake topper, my shoes, some favors and other things. I have been tying ribbons around things like crazy. It took me 3 hours to tie ribbons around sixty bottles of bubbles. I have eighty to go.
The best news of all is that we finally bought centerpieces. Our theme is "rustic garden party" and I really wanted to buy galvanized watering cans and use wildflowers in them. This turned into a really hard and difficult task. I couldn't find them at a reasonable price...I could find like one for five dollars and then the rest were anywhere from 30 to 200 a piece. Unreasonable. So then, we "regrouped" and tried thinking of a different idea. So, I found these really cute candle lanterns for 9.00 a piece. They were white with green vines painted on the glass. Really adorable, and I thought fit the theme. Well, Mike and I were at Hobby Lobby and we are looking around and Mike keeps trying to change the idea and is talking about doing class vases and stuff and I was getting REALLY frustrated because I felt like he was taking away from our original vision and I didn't want to do something normal. I didn't want glass vases- it's just not me.
Well...we are walking around trying to find stuff and Mike walks off without me as I go down another aisle. I found these green buckets, that I thought might be useful for something and I was calling Mike to come look. At the same time he is calling me to go see what he has. After a minute of "no you come here- no you come HERE" I finally gave in and went to see what he had spotted...
lo and behold....Mike found watering cans at 50% off. They aren't exactly galvanized. Some have decorations on them, some are plain but they are effing cute.
Now, we are working on our playlist for the reception. It's really hard, too...I want people to dance, but I also want to play music I like...but some of that isn't good for dancing, or the um..older people at the wedding will not know it and might not dance because of that...so I am trying to balance things out.
I just can't wait for it to be here and then zooming off to Vegas....we BOTH need a vacation.
Friday, April 3, 2009
The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week
Well...this week past week will probably go down as a contender for one of the worst weeks of my life.
Let's recap:
Two Thursdays ago my family dog is put to sleep.
The next day my cat goes missing for two days, putting me under lots of stress and fragile nerves.
Monday my car breaks down.
and the finale...
drum roll.........
Wednesday I go to the emergency room.
First, I don't go to the hospital. I don't have insurance- lost it when I dropped out of college the first time around. I have no business being in a place so dang expensive.
However, Wednesday night me and the fam minus my dad are watching Lost- our Wednesday night ritual. We ate sandwiches for dinner. I did not eat well that day- in fact- hardly anything. After one sandwich I was still starving and went downstairs to make another one during a commercial break. It was taking me a really long time to eat. I started about ten minutes before Lost started and I finished at like 8:40- two sandwiches took me almost an hour.
Anyway, that is all probably really irrelevant. Sometime after finishing, I started to get really thirsty- my mouth was just so dry. Then, I started to get really funny feeling. My heart was beating hard- like pounding through my chest, but the beat was really off and irregular. Then, everything started going black and I could physically feel myself slipping- like I was going to past out. But, I felt this surge of energy and pushed myself out of it. I pretended everything was ok, but it happened again, almost immediately.
Nervous, I said outloud "I think I am going to faint." This of course startled my mother. I tried to sit up straight and on the edge of my seat and try to feel completely aware of my body and in control. But, my heart wouldn't stop fluttering and I kept feeling myself try to slip. I managed to hold on through the rest of Lost. As soon as it was over, I went down stairs to the kitchen to get some water and walk around. But after awhile I felt like I should sit. Nothing was going away.
My mom asked if I was ok, and I started crying- which got everyone else worried. I was just really nervous...I couldn't breathe right...my heart felt like it was trying to escape...and I was nervous to try to drive myself home incase I went out cold.
My mom insisted on taking me to the emergency room, so Jason drove me and my mom there.
On the way it got worse. I was hot all over...and really really anxious. I couldn't sit still. When we got to the ER and they gave me my paper work I couldn't remember my information- like my birthday- couldn't tell you...it was really scary.
My mom told the receptionist that I was having heart palpitations and that I had a heart condition. Thankfully, this meant I got to go back almost immediately and by pass the other people who had been waiting for who knows how long. The bad news was, something serious was happening to make me go before everyone else.
So they took me back by myself and immediately hooked me up to an EKG machine and started taking my vitals and stuff. I told the nurse everything that happened, told her about my heart condition, and mentioned that I had worked out that day- alot more that what I usually do.
After some people came in and out of my room, they took a chest x-ray- which by the way they brought the x-ray machine to my room- how cool is that? Then they took some blood samples. THEN they took me to have a CT scan on my head and my chest. They were most concerned with my chest scan to look at my aorta....I have this condition called Marfan Syndrome- google it. But, one thing is that I am prone to tearing my aorta- and they wanted to see if it was ok.
It was just so strange- not knowing what the heck was wrong with me- it's like...usually you go to the ER because you know what happened- oops, you broke your arm...or you stepped on a nail...or your whatever...but I was clueless and terrified. Not to mention, I have recently discovered that I HATE being in confined spaces and that scanning business was unreasonable. They had to give me this IV injection...they called it a Contrast...for my chest scan...the guy administering it told me it would make my whole body hot, my feet tingle, and some people say it makes them feel like they have wet themselves. Because he said some people, I figured I wouldn't experience that....until I did...and I swear to you...it felt like I was peeing my pants...and for a few minutes I thought maybe I had.
Anyway, after four long hours at the ER, several tests, and finally calming down- they really had nothing for me. All of the tests came back fine. They said I was just having heart palpitations which can be brought on from several things...including stress...
I have to say...I think this was a pretty stressful week...
But, because I have Marfan Syndrome and haven't seen a doctor about it in about seven years, the doctor said he wanted me to have an ultra sound done on my heart. I used to have this done every year from the time I was diagnosed in 1991 until I graduated in 2002.
So, I got that scheduled for today. It was surreal- I hadn't done that in so long- but it was something so regular in my life. My heart looks like an African boy playing a drum...seriously...I also got to hear it...I remember when I was a kid that part used to give my dad the heebeejeebees. When I was a kid, they had tv's hanging from the ceiling to keep us still during the procedure. The first time I went, they were playing a Muppet movie. It was just really weird...doing this again...but being grown. It would be like...selling lemonade on the side of the road or trying to play with Barbies...
It's going to be awhile until I get the results. I just hope I'm ok and I hope I don't have to have any kind of surgery or anything. I hope it was all just stress and a minor freak out.
So, goodbye week of march 26th, 2009- april 1st, 2009. I hope I never have to think of you ever again. Thanks for all the horrible memories...panic feelings....and keeping me stranded.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
Let's recap:
Two Thursdays ago my family dog is put to sleep.
The next day my cat goes missing for two days, putting me under lots of stress and fragile nerves.
Monday my car breaks down.
and the finale...
drum roll.........
Wednesday I go to the emergency room.
First, I don't go to the hospital. I don't have insurance- lost it when I dropped out of college the first time around. I have no business being in a place so dang expensive.
However, Wednesday night me and the fam minus my dad are watching Lost- our Wednesday night ritual. We ate sandwiches for dinner. I did not eat well that day- in fact- hardly anything. After one sandwich I was still starving and went downstairs to make another one during a commercial break. It was taking me a really long time to eat. I started about ten minutes before Lost started and I finished at like 8:40- two sandwiches took me almost an hour.
Anyway, that is all probably really irrelevant. Sometime after finishing, I started to get really thirsty- my mouth was just so dry. Then, I started to get really funny feeling. My heart was beating hard- like pounding through my chest, but the beat was really off and irregular. Then, everything started going black and I could physically feel myself slipping- like I was going to past out. But, I felt this surge of energy and pushed myself out of it. I pretended everything was ok, but it happened again, almost immediately.
Nervous, I said outloud "I think I am going to faint." This of course startled my mother. I tried to sit up straight and on the edge of my seat and try to feel completely aware of my body and in control. But, my heart wouldn't stop fluttering and I kept feeling myself try to slip. I managed to hold on through the rest of Lost. As soon as it was over, I went down stairs to the kitchen to get some water and walk around. But after awhile I felt like I should sit. Nothing was going away.
My mom asked if I was ok, and I started crying- which got everyone else worried. I was just really nervous...I couldn't breathe right...my heart felt like it was trying to escape...and I was nervous to try to drive myself home incase I went out cold.
My mom insisted on taking me to the emergency room, so Jason drove me and my mom there.
On the way it got worse. I was hot all over...and really really anxious. I couldn't sit still. When we got to the ER and they gave me my paper work I couldn't remember my information- like my birthday- couldn't tell you...it was really scary.
My mom told the receptionist that I was having heart palpitations and that I had a heart condition. Thankfully, this meant I got to go back almost immediately and by pass the other people who had been waiting for who knows how long. The bad news was, something serious was happening to make me go before everyone else.
So they took me back by myself and immediately hooked me up to an EKG machine and started taking my vitals and stuff. I told the nurse everything that happened, told her about my heart condition, and mentioned that I had worked out that day- alot more that what I usually do.
After some people came in and out of my room, they took a chest x-ray- which by the way they brought the x-ray machine to my room- how cool is that? Then they took some blood samples. THEN they took me to have a CT scan on my head and my chest. They were most concerned with my chest scan to look at my aorta....I have this condition called Marfan Syndrome- google it. But, one thing is that I am prone to tearing my aorta- and they wanted to see if it was ok.
It was just so strange- not knowing what the heck was wrong with me- it's like...usually you go to the ER because you know what happened- oops, you broke your arm...or you stepped on a nail...or your whatever...but I was clueless and terrified. Not to mention, I have recently discovered that I HATE being in confined spaces and that scanning business was unreasonable. They had to give me this IV injection...they called it a Contrast...for my chest scan...the guy administering it told me it would make my whole body hot, my feet tingle, and some people say it makes them feel like they have wet themselves. Because he said some people, I figured I wouldn't experience that....until I did...and I swear to you...it felt like I was peeing my pants...and for a few minutes I thought maybe I had.
Anyway, after four long hours at the ER, several tests, and finally calming down- they really had nothing for me. All of the tests came back fine. They said I was just having heart palpitations which can be brought on from several things...including stress...
I have to say...I think this was a pretty stressful week...
But, because I have Marfan Syndrome and haven't seen a doctor about it in about seven years, the doctor said he wanted me to have an ultra sound done on my heart. I used to have this done every year from the time I was diagnosed in 1991 until I graduated in 2002.
So, I got that scheduled for today. It was surreal- I hadn't done that in so long- but it was something so regular in my life. My heart looks like an African boy playing a drum...seriously...I also got to hear it...I remember when I was a kid that part used to give my dad the heebeejeebees. When I was a kid, they had tv's hanging from the ceiling to keep us still during the procedure. The first time I went, they were playing a Muppet movie. It was just really weird...doing this again...but being grown. It would be like...selling lemonade on the side of the road or trying to play with Barbies...
It's going to be awhile until I get the results. I just hope I'm ok and I hope I don't have to have any kind of surgery or anything. I hope it was all just stress and a minor freak out.
So, goodbye week of march 26th, 2009- april 1st, 2009. I hope I never have to think of you ever again. Thanks for all the horrible memories...panic feelings....and keeping me stranded.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
Monday, March 30, 2009
The Domino Effect
If it's not one thing, it's another...
Friday, some guys came over to the house to replace our bathroom floor and do some stuff to our shower. They got there around ten am with a key they picked up from the realtor we rent from. They were there all day and didn't leave until sometime after five. As soon as they were gone, Mike and I got ready to head over to my parent's house for game night with some family members and pizza. We didn't end up getting home until almost two. Usually when I come home after being gone for so long, both of the animals, Zoe and Mable, greet me. After being home for about twenty minutes, Mable was nowhere to be found.
I went around to her usual hiding places (in the windows, under beds, under couches) and she wasn't there. Mike and I searched the entire house room by room, ruling each one out. She was nowhere to be found. We then went looking outside for about an hour and a half trying to find her. We called her name, brought her toys that make noise, and even left out food. Nothing.
We had a lot going on Saturday for the wedding and needed to get to sleep, so around 4:30, we finally turned in.
Apart of me hoped that when we woke up, she would be waiting on the front steps....but no. We were gone for several hours, and came home to no cat, again. However, the food we left out had been eaten, but didn't know by who. I continued to check outside, sometimes sitting out there for long periods calling her name. We finally left the front and back door open in case she wondered back.
By the time we went to bed Saturday night, she still wasn't home. I feared she might never make it back and my heart hurt- just coming off of the death of Hershey.
On Sunday, we went over to my parents again to celebrate Ryan's birthday. We were practically gone all day, so we weren't able to keep an eye out for her. We finally come home around 9ish. As we pulled up into the driveway, I noticed eyes staring at me. Underneath the windows in the front of our house are these grates that see into the crawl space under our house. Perched on a ledge and peering out the grate: Mable. Mike and I ran inside the house to get proper cat catching tools, flash lights, kennel, keys to the lock on the door to the crawl space, proper shoes and attire, and a can of tuna.
We got underneath the house (one of my biggest fears) and at first you can stand completely straight up....but as you get further down you have to lean over and eventually crawl. We looked all around but couldn't see her anywhere. We called her name and made clicking tongue sounds for about twenty minutes and nothing. We left the opened can of tuna in case she was hungry, and left. We checked outside of the house to see if there was any kind of exist she could take, but found nothing.
We went back inside for two hours and tried again. This time, Mike found her in a corner neither of us could get to. We again tried calling her name but she wouldn't come. She looked terrified. Long story short, after being down there for about an hour this time and Mike and I both having to over come some fears (me: being under the house and him: spiders) we finally got her. Mike managed to crawl to the perch where I originally saw her from the outside and where she had now slinked into. I went back into the house and grabbed some pillow cases. Even though we brought Zoe's kennel with us...Mike was on the other side of the space and I couldn't get it to him, and he couldn't carry her out on his hands and knees. So, I got two pillowcases, and Mike gently put her into one, and double bagged her with the other and carried her out like Santa's bag of toys.
We finally got out of the underworld and inside the house. I unwrapped her and cuddled her to pieces and even Zoe came over and gave her kisses. After running away from us, exploring the house, and drinking some water she wouldn't leave my side and purred the entire night away.
I had just come to the realization that I would never see her again...but we found her! The scary part is, if I hadn't of seen her in the grate there, who knows how long she would have been down there unnoticed. She could have died down there.
So, great...that's over with. I didn't lose two animals in two days.
But, I have the worst luck ever. Today, I went to the post office to get stamps for our wedding invites. On my way into the parking lot, I popped a curb. When I came outside, my car wouldn't start. I had to call Jef to come get me, and now I have to wait and see if it can be fixed.
Ugh.
Friday, some guys came over to the house to replace our bathroom floor and do some stuff to our shower. They got there around ten am with a key they picked up from the realtor we rent from. They were there all day and didn't leave until sometime after five. As soon as they were gone, Mike and I got ready to head over to my parent's house for game night with some family members and pizza. We didn't end up getting home until almost two. Usually when I come home after being gone for so long, both of the animals, Zoe and Mable, greet me. After being home for about twenty minutes, Mable was nowhere to be found.
I went around to her usual hiding places (in the windows, under beds, under couches) and she wasn't there. Mike and I searched the entire house room by room, ruling each one out. She was nowhere to be found. We then went looking outside for about an hour and a half trying to find her. We called her name, brought her toys that make noise, and even left out food. Nothing.
We had a lot going on Saturday for the wedding and needed to get to sleep, so around 4:30, we finally turned in.
Apart of me hoped that when we woke up, she would be waiting on the front steps....but no. We were gone for several hours, and came home to no cat, again. However, the food we left out had been eaten, but didn't know by who. I continued to check outside, sometimes sitting out there for long periods calling her name. We finally left the front and back door open in case she wondered back.
By the time we went to bed Saturday night, she still wasn't home. I feared she might never make it back and my heart hurt- just coming off of the death of Hershey.
On Sunday, we went over to my parents again to celebrate Ryan's birthday. We were practically gone all day, so we weren't able to keep an eye out for her. We finally come home around 9ish. As we pulled up into the driveway, I noticed eyes staring at me. Underneath the windows in the front of our house are these grates that see into the crawl space under our house. Perched on a ledge and peering out the grate: Mable. Mike and I ran inside the house to get proper cat catching tools, flash lights, kennel, keys to the lock on the door to the crawl space, proper shoes and attire, and a can of tuna.
We got underneath the house (one of my biggest fears) and at first you can stand completely straight up....but as you get further down you have to lean over and eventually crawl. We looked all around but couldn't see her anywhere. We called her name and made clicking tongue sounds for about twenty minutes and nothing. We left the opened can of tuna in case she was hungry, and left. We checked outside of the house to see if there was any kind of exist she could take, but found nothing.
We went back inside for two hours and tried again. This time, Mike found her in a corner neither of us could get to. We again tried calling her name but she wouldn't come. She looked terrified. Long story short, after being down there for about an hour this time and Mike and I both having to over come some fears (me: being under the house and him: spiders) we finally got her. Mike managed to crawl to the perch where I originally saw her from the outside and where she had now slinked into. I went back into the house and grabbed some pillow cases. Even though we brought Zoe's kennel with us...Mike was on the other side of the space and I couldn't get it to him, and he couldn't carry her out on his hands and knees. So, I got two pillowcases, and Mike gently put her into one, and double bagged her with the other and carried her out like Santa's bag of toys.
We finally got out of the underworld and inside the house. I unwrapped her and cuddled her to pieces and even Zoe came over and gave her kisses. After running away from us, exploring the house, and drinking some water she wouldn't leave my side and purred the entire night away.
I had just come to the realization that I would never see her again...but we found her! The scary part is, if I hadn't of seen her in the grate there, who knows how long she would have been down there unnoticed. She could have died down there.
So, great...that's over with. I didn't lose two animals in two days.
But, I have the worst luck ever. Today, I went to the post office to get stamps for our wedding invites. On my way into the parking lot, I popped a curb. When I came outside, my car wouldn't start. I had to call Jef to come get me, and now I have to wait and see if it can be fixed.
Ugh.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The Celebration of Life
In 1995, my parents told me we were getting a puppy. I was in the fifth grade then and having never owned an animal that didn't live in a cage, I was ecstatic. To be honest, I don't know why my parents decided to do this. Neither of my parents had really shown much interest in larger animals before. My mom had always kept guinea pigs in her classroom. That seemed normal to me, mostly because they were so easy to care for. Whatever the reason, they made it and started looking into what kind of dog to get. A local vet in town was breeding standard poodles and just had a litter. My mom and I went down there to pick one out. She decided she wanted a chocolate colored one, and there were three to pick from. After playing around with each of the three, we choose ours because she was the only puppy to give us kisses.
We named her Hershey. One, because she was chocolate colored and two. because my mother has always had a bit of sweet tooth for the candy.
I remember the first night they brought her home. I thought it was neat that each puppy was sent home with their own blanket and stuffed animal. Hershey came with a Miss Piggy doll, which was also my affectionate stuffed animal as a child. We were meant to be. That night, we kept her in a kennel, as she was not house broken. I was upset, because I wanted her to sleep in my bed. She whined all night. When none of us could get any sleep, my dad put her kennel in the bathroom. The bathroom was in the center of the house and only caused the noise to get worse with echo. Eventually, my parents moved her into the garage, but none of us got a good nights sleep.
Having a puppy for the first time was hard- especially the house training bit. She went all the time! She also had a really bad habit of nipping at my ankles when I walked throughout the house and I really hated that.
But, I did love watching her grow. I remember I used to play this game where I would run from my parents bed into the livingroom and jump up on an easy chair. She wasn't big enough to jump up there with me so she would just chase me from room to room. One night, as we were playing this game, she hopped up into the chair with me. I was excited she was finally getting bigger.
Standard poodles are very smart, and we were able to teach her LOTS of fun tricks. Not only the usualy sit and shake...but she also played dead when we "shot" her with a BANG! She learned commands fast.
Hershey became an extension of our family, not just a pet.
I viewed her almost like a sister....if that makes any sense at all. In high school, she always slept in my bed with me. She would sleep on the pillow next to me with her face turned away and she let me rest my head on her hip. She was a great confidant, and always let my cry into her fur in sadness and was always ready to play during happy times.
It was hard going off to college for the first time. Living in dorms, I was never around animals. On my first visit back home as soon as I stepped into the door she bombarded me with kisses...the signature trade mark of hers- the reason we choose her in the first place.
Because we got her so early, it's hard to remember what our lives were like before her. She's been there through every holiday, celebration, and hardship.
My parents always got her groomed regularly. They liked the look of a groomed poodle, but I always preferred Hershey looking a little rough around the edges.
Sometime around 2005, Hershey's health and age caught up with her. She started to get sad that the family was no longer living there anymore and became very lazy and uninterested in playing or her other usual activities. She also developed very bad arthritis and had a hard time getting on the bed. In 2005, I moved back home for a bit and brought with me my cat Audrey.
Having a young cat in the house did a lot of good for Hershey. It made her young again. Chasing the cat around improved her spirits and her arthritis got better.
We have this weird tradition in our family called Family Hug. At the end of celebrations or family gatherings usually my dad announces FAMILY HUG and well, we all hug. Hersh was always in on the act. She would jump into the center of us and make sure to give almost every one there a kiss. (Don't mind my dad's belly there....but you can see Hershey in the middle, kinda)
Last year, Jeannette gave me Zoe when she moved. I was nervous how Hershey was going to react. Hershey was never around other dogs much and never learned how to communicate with them. Gladly, they became the best of friends- Hershey's first dog friend.
On March 12th of this year Hershey turned 14 years old. I brought her over a hamburger. She ate it, threw it all up, and ate it again. I think she liked it both times. :)
A couple weeks ago, my mom sent everyone in the family a message on facebook telling us that Hershey wasn't doing so good. She was a very old lady, and the doctors thought she had cancer. They didn't know how much time she had left, and my parents decided to let her have as much as she could have to be comfortable. Jason brought her a roastbeef sandwich and my parents cooked her rice every night.
Every Wednesday, my family gets together to watch Lost. Tonight, when I arrived my mother was acting weird, but I brushed it off, knowing she was just upset that Hershey was sick. After dinner and after the show, my parents broke the news.
Tomorrow, Hershey is being put to sleep.
Although my heart is breaking. Although I know I will never get to see her again, rub her belly, or give her kisses one more time- I know she lived the best life a dog could ever live. She wanted for nothing. She had all the toys, treats, and love any dog has ever had. She had a warm bed to sleep in every night. She was never abused, was taken for walks, and LOVED to go bye-bye.
But losing her, is losing a member of my family and no matter what- it's hard.
I'm going to miss you Hershey Lou. Thank you for 14 wonderful years.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The Cowardly Lion
I have done several things this week and the past couple of weeks that should have scared the nonsense out of me. I have pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone. I have overcome obstacles I never thought I could.
Maybe this big, big world isn't as scary as I once thought it was.
I sent Ryan an email asking if he wanted to go to this with me: http://www.ussoccer.com/articles/viewArticle.jsp_12484615.html
Although he didn't say no, he didn't exactly say yes, either. I really want to go. I have never seen a professional sport live before, and I really like soccer. If anyone wants to go with me, holler at your girl.
...
I decorated my house for Spring...bye bye Winter, I refuse to acknowledge you exist anymore.
I watched Seabiscuit for the first time tonight...took me awhile to get around to that one....I pretty much liked it...I have a soft spot for animal movies, sports movies, and Toby Maguire movies....I mean...there was just not anyway I wasn't going to like it.
I want to sound my barbaric YALP!
Maybe this big, big world isn't as scary as I once thought it was.
I sent Ryan an email asking if he wanted to go to this with me: http://www.ussoccer.com/
Although he didn't say no, he didn't exactly say yes, either. I really want to go. I have never seen a professional sport live before, and I really like soccer. If anyone wants to go with me, holler at your girl.
...
I decorated my house for Spring...bye bye Winter, I refuse to acknowledge you exist anymore.
I watched Seabiscuit for the first time tonight...took me awhile to get around to that one....I pretty much liked it...I have a soft spot for animal movies, sports movies, and Toby Maguire movies....I mean...there was just not anyway I wasn't going to like it.
I want to sound my barbaric YALP!
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