The now and the never

Well.....several people have brought to my attention that I have not updated in eons. Sorry. To be honest, I kinda forgot about this thing....there goes my social experiment.

I don't know why this is significant enough to comment on, but I went to Wal-mart this afternoon. I should mention, if you didn't know, but being in public in the first place usually scares me to death. Being around large groups of people gives me the heebie jeebies. Well, I don't know if it is because it is around the holidays, or a Friday, or maybe the end of the world is coming and no one told me, but it was crowded at like 2:00. After fighting my way through inconsiderate people and becoming one myself I stood in line for check out for 20 minutes. Yeah. My blood sugar started dropping and I was getting really shaky and the next thing that always follows is irritation. When I finally get to placing my items on the checkout counter I am fumbling through everything because my hands ar shaking beyond my own control. Then, after standing in line for forever with a line wrapping around the candy aisle behind me, the check out woman became Ms. Chatty Cathy with me. I am sure in other circumstances I would have found her to be quite charming and enjoyable. She looked JUST LIKE Shirley Macclaine in Steel Magnoilas and sounded like her, too. I normally would have found this kind of character intriguing, but I wanted to leave and I didn't want to hold up the line anymore. She starts talking to me about this sweatshirt I am wearing. Last year sometime when Mike was delivering plumbing parts to some company the manager gave him a free company sweatshirt. Mike gave it to me. I usually wear it with my pj's and never out in public. I do not enjoy advertising anything I am not personally connected with. But, I cleaned my parent's house today and had errands to run and I didn't feel like getting dolled up. So, she is talking to me about this company and asks if I work for them, and I politely tell her no and that I know nothing about them. This invites her to tell me ALL about it. They make faucets or something. And she had to describe in detail the quality of the company. Then, I hadd a 24 case of water in my shopping cart that I started to pick up, but she told me to leave it there, she would manually key it in because of the size. I go to pay, but I asked if she remembered the water, because THIS YEAR I have accidently stolen from walmart TWICE. Once with a spool of thread and another time with an onion and I don't want to make this a habit. Well, she forgot. But to make sure she had to print out the receipt and look it over which took forever. I felt like a douche. I knew I was taking forever BECAUSE OF HER and I don't like people waiting on me. Finally, she rang up the water, I paid and left.

Go ahead...say it..."Cool story, Meghann."

anyway, school is over for the semester. I don't think I ended as strongly as I would have liked. I was burnt out. I don't think I did BAD, but I don't think I did my best, either. I only have one grade so far for my online art class and I got an A. I had to do two actual art projects- like make art. The first was to do water color paintings to music. I had to pick two songs that were opposites and paint while listening. It was pretty cool, but my paintings are ridiculous. The second I like so much more. I had to make a collage of sorts using magazines or other materials. I clipped pictures from a fashion magazie and turned it into a nature scene. Like, I used this really cool spiraling piece of hair for a waterfall, a diamond for the sun, a green dress acted as bushes...you get the idea. I think it looks pretty neat. I keep waiting anxiously for my other professors to post grades. I am alittle worried. I should have A's and B's in all of my classes, but German is a little sketchy. I could make a B, but it all depends on how I did on the final, and I don't feel good about it. I will be pretty mad if that one class keeps me from making the Dean's list again. We shall see.

I got to see Mike tonight. He is parked at exit 27 off I24 in Kentucky. I drove up there and we had dinner at Cracker Barrel, then we went back to his truck and watched Fred Claus...which was actually pretty cute. I just love Christmas movies.

I have been obsessed with watching Lost lately. My brother Ryan has tried to get me to watch it for forever and I resisted for a long time. I am glad I decided to give it a chance, though. But, seriously it is comsuming my life. I dream about it every night- as if I am a character in the show.

i am really creepy.

I did this when I was reading Twilight, too....anything that I got hot and heavy in over powers my dreams.

I haven't wanted to really say anything about it just yet....but...my birthday is coming up soon. I turn 25 on December 28th. I always look forward to my birthday, and I always thought it was really stupid when people made a big deal about getting older. But, this birthday feels really different. I'm not trying to act like that at 25 I am over the hill- but 25...seriously...getting older is starting to get real. This birthday just feels different from the others...and it doesn't make me feel good.

I have to start looking for wedding dresses soon and I am terrified. I have been looking forward to doing everything else- but this. I haven't lost any weight and I am just really REALLY scared of not looking pretty on my wedding day. I know it looks bad to find something upseting about my wedding- and I'm not trying to get sympathy....but...it's just my fear that on the most important day of my life I am going to look stupid.

and end rant.

I'm so excited that it is Christmas time. I have already done so much to celebrate- usually I drop the ball- and I have so much more to look forward to. I have already done some shopping, but not everything. The tree is up, there is egg nogg in the kitchen, music on my ipod. I am ready.