All in all I had a pretty awesome holiday. I spent a lot of time with family and enjoyed some laughs. At times though I wasn't getting much sleep and I became slightly irritable through out it all, but- over all: good holiday. I got too many presents. I am very fortunate. I got several things I wanted, some things I didn't expect to get, and some things I didn't know I wanted.
I'm pretty exhausted from all the activity, and I don't really care to take the time to go into details. Bottom line- Christmas was celebrated.
Well, as I have mentioned before, my birthday is Sunday. I will be 25 years old. Every year since I was 17 years old, I made a list of good memories from that year. What started as a spur of the moment reflection has grown into a long standing tradition. I have butterflies in my stomach right now as i type this. Here goes:
24 Things I Liked About Being 24
1. getting engaged- obviously. I don't know about you, but there were so many times in my life when I doubted if I would ever get the chance to get married...then I started to doubt if Mike was ever going to get around to asking me...but he did...and it was one of the best moments of my life
2. television...yeah...lame...but, this year has been a big year for TV for me. I completed watching the Gilmore Girls seasons this year along with: The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, and Lost...I started Stargate SG-1...I also follow several tv shows every day. Again, I know that to most people this would sound really silly...but I really like tv.
3. Twilight. This series has become one of my very most favorite and I have enjoyed sharing that with both Kashmir and Charlsie...and getting to go see the movie on opening night at midnight. I feel like a teenager again when I wrapped up in the goingson of Bella's life
4. Goldfinger show in St. Louis. I went with Ryan and Judy in July. It was one of the first times I really got to have much one on one time with Judy and we had a pretty good time. When Goldfinger started playing we managed to stay together and found our way up front-ish row and a little offset so we weren't being drifted away by the mosh pit. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure at one time I made eye contact with the lead singer...but I could be making this up. My only complaint was that their set was extrememly short- but they made up for it by playing really good songs.
5. Getting Zoe...Jeannette moved to Texas in March and when she left, Mike and I got Zoe. It has been an extreme joy having her in my life. I feel so much safer in my house and I enjoy the companionship...she is extremely well behaved, I couldn't have asked for anyone better!
6. all of my achievements in school this semester- I have run on and on about them too many times already...so I will stop there
7. Weezer's new album this year...it is amazing...my favorite track is called Dreamin'....check it out
8. Mike's two month vacation...after having him gone on the road for weeks at a time, it was really nice remembering how normal and comfortable it is having him around. We had lots and lots of fun this summer...I wish he could be home everyday
9. scheduled date nights....mike and I made it a point to do this every so often...aleast once a month....just to do something romantic to celebrate being with each other...I have had a lot of fun doing this tradition and I hope it keeps going
10. board games...we love them...I love nothing more than getting together with a group of friends and playing games...this year I have learned how to play buzz word, scrabble, backgammon and many more
11. Jef coming home from Iraq...he was gone for 14 months....it was a long time and a struggle not having him here, I was so happy for his safe return home
12. Kashmir's visit in August....I hadn't seen her in several years before this and I had started to believe it would never happen again...I was sooo ecstatic for her to come home for a visit...sometimes, it's like things never change, we picked right back up from where we left off...I love her like a sister
13. election night...it felt so good to be apart of something so much bigger than myself
14. the 48 hour film festival...I was very fortunate to have a bigger role than last year...I got to be apart of the writing portion and I did some extra things for the shooting...I really felt like we were making a movie and I was very proud of Ryan's result. We won best in our genre (horror) and that was good enough for me
15. Dirty Dancing Movie in the Park...it was the first time I saw that movie...a group of us including Jackson and Nik went to cenntinal park in Nashville...it was such a good venue to see a movie in...the crowd was totally into it...there was cheering and booing...a good all around experience
16. Sex and the City Night...on the night of the premier of the movie me and my friend jessica and a friend of hers went to see the midnight showing. we went to the cheesecake factory before hand and got cosmos...of course...I really like doing special outings like that
17. starting a new blog...it feels really good having an official "home" for my writings...it's kind of a goal for myself to write as much as possible to nurture that need within myself...I may not write every day or even every week....but I love knowing I have a place special for this to do it
18. lunch trays....i started eating my meals on these lunch trays I have...I did it for dietary reasons and for the aesthetic reasons as well...it gives me an excuse to eat healthier foods and to take neat pictures
19. mending relationships....this year I have tried to sew up my loose ends in life...I had a brief period when Nik and I stopped talking...but we patched things up...and I made peace with Jackie and my friend Stephanie...I haven't seen either of them in person since....but I like knowing that negativity isn't out in the world anymore...I also like knowing that if anything were to happen...they both know I still care about them
20. the anticipation of going to Rome....my parents revealed to my this year that for my graduation present in the summer of 2010 that they would take me and Mike with them to Rome...I am so excited to get to go...I will be able to see such a huge part of history and live out a dream I never thought would come together
21. the fall....it's my favorite season and I lived it up to the fullest I ever had...from decorating...to fall playlists...to Halloween celebrations...pumpkin carving...to haunted houses...Thanksgiving...pumpkin spice lattes...I did everything fall I could...it was a perfect season...with the most perfect tree in my front yard...
22. tiny litte burgers...I know that sound silly...but I recently discovered these tiny little burgers at Chili's...lemme say...I HATE krystals and white castle...onion steamed buns? GROSS!!!!! But, chilis have these tiny little burgers that are to die for...and I found them at OCharley's and even Burger King...they are some of my favorite foods
23. Jef's mini birthday road trip...in January for jef's birthday we went to see Johnny Cash's house and grave and then we topped off the evening with going to the Adventure Science center...it was fun getting a short get away and pretending we were kids again...
24. all the times...the laughter...the friendships...times spent with family...growing older...learning new lessons...proving new things to myself...coming out a winner on the otherside...concuring fears...strengthening myself...I have had an amazing year with amazing people...I couldn't have asked for anything better....
Happy Birthday to me
Friday, December 26, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
The young and the older
Well, I went to the hospital for the birth of my niece. The day didn't go as planned, though. I was supposed to meet Mike's sister at the interstate at 11:00. Mike called me at 9:00 am and told me he would wake me up again to get ready at 10. He forgot and didn't call until 10:45. So, he called his sister and explained and said I would meet them at 11:30 instead. I got up and rushed to get ready, but I was still running late. Ten minutes before I was supposed to meet them, I got outside and my car door was frozen shut. I got some water boiling in a tea pot and rushed outside to try to get it to thaw. I called Mike and he tried to help me on the phone get my car door to open. After pounding on the door jam and more water it still wouldn't open. Finally, I tried the passenger door and it opened, so I opened my door from the inside. Turns out, in my attempt to get in I think I pulled the handle too hard and completely broke it. It still doesn't work and I have to open my door from the inside- which is extremely embarrassing in public. When I can get away with it I have kept my window half down so I can reach inside, but I can't keep doing that.
Anyway, I took so long that his sister finally went on without me. Mike told me to just stay home, but I thought it was really important to go. So I drove myself, scared out of my mind that the roads were going to be bad, but they weren't.
I usually have a lot of anxiety about going somewhere I am not familiar with, but I made a promise with myself to try to find everything on my own without calling anyone for help. I found Baptist hospital with no problems because I knew the general direction, but I wasn't exactly sure where to enter or where to park. I drove around for awhile and found a parking garage. Luckily, the entrance it led me to was the right spot for me to be in. I entered on the 2nd floor and immediately found a map. It said the maternity ward was on the 7th floor. A short elevator ride took me right where I need to be. I went to the front desk and asked where Lisa was going to be and they told me she was being brought up to her room and gave me the room number to meet them up there.
As soon as I got to the room, Lisa was being wheeled in and Timmy (Mike's brother) was pushing Molly in a little cart. She is ADORABLE. She is really tiny and absolutely beautiful. Within seconds the rest of Mike's family came to join us. We visited for about 15 minutes and the nurse kicked us out.
I didn't get to stay for very long, but I am still glad I came- and I didn't want to be in the way, so I didn't mind leaving.
It was just really weird seeing a baby and thinking how brand new she was- how just moments ago she was in her mother's belly.
I took pictures, but I haven't had a chance to put them on my computer, yet.
Well, I have all of my Christmas shopping done for my family- but we haven't gotten Mike's family, yet. Hopefully I will finish up on Monday. This year is going by too fast. How is Christmas a week away?
Nik called me up on Wednesday. Her mother is in the hospital. I'm worried. Her mother has cancer and is in the hospital with pneumonia. Then, today she had a mild heart attack. They moved her to the cardiac ICU and she is barely breathing on her own. I told Nik to keep my updated with everything. I don't know the right thing to say to her. I can't say everything is going to be ok, because I don't know. I can't tell her not to worry, because she is going to anyway. If things get really bad though, I'm going to drive the three hours up there. I hope I don't have to.
Anyway, I took so long that his sister finally went on without me. Mike told me to just stay home, but I thought it was really important to go. So I drove myself, scared out of my mind that the roads were going to be bad, but they weren't.
I usually have a lot of anxiety about going somewhere I am not familiar with, but I made a promise with myself to try to find everything on my own without calling anyone for help. I found Baptist hospital with no problems because I knew the general direction, but I wasn't exactly sure where to enter or where to park. I drove around for awhile and found a parking garage. Luckily, the entrance it led me to was the right spot for me to be in. I entered on the 2nd floor and immediately found a map. It said the maternity ward was on the 7th floor. A short elevator ride took me right where I need to be. I went to the front desk and asked where Lisa was going to be and they told me she was being brought up to her room and gave me the room number to meet them up there.
As soon as I got to the room, Lisa was being wheeled in and Timmy (Mike's brother) was pushing Molly in a little cart. She is ADORABLE. She is really tiny and absolutely beautiful. Within seconds the rest of Mike's family came to join us. We visited for about 15 minutes and the nurse kicked us out.
I didn't get to stay for very long, but I am still glad I came- and I didn't want to be in the way, so I didn't mind leaving.
It was just really weird seeing a baby and thinking how brand new she was- how just moments ago she was in her mother's belly.
I took pictures, but I haven't had a chance to put them on my computer, yet.
Well, I have all of my Christmas shopping done for my family- but we haven't gotten Mike's family, yet. Hopefully I will finish up on Monday. This year is going by too fast. How is Christmas a week away?
Nik called me up on Wednesday. Her mother is in the hospital. I'm worried. Her mother has cancer and is in the hospital with pneumonia. Then, today she had a mild heart attack. They moved her to the cardiac ICU and she is barely breathing on her own. I told Nik to keep my updated with everything. I don't know the right thing to say to her. I can't say everything is going to be ok, because I don't know. I can't tell her not to worry, because she is going to anyway. If things get really bad though, I'm going to drive the three hours up there. I hope I don't have to.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The New
I finally got all of my grades today:
Art Appreciation A
American Lit II A
Expository Writing A
Modern Southern Fiction A
German B
British Lit II B
I did it. I finally made the Dean's List again, after failing to do so last semester. I had all A's and B's in the Spring except for in American Lit I...I made a C. My professor was Dr. Steven Ryan and I had him again for the second installment this semester. I also had him in the fall of 2006 for World Literature and also made a C. After the first time I had him, I got mad about my grade and blamed him. I told everyone he was unreasonable and an unfair grader. I had to take him again for the American Lit and experienced a similar tale. At the beginning of the semester I told Mike I wasn't expecting to do well in his class, but I was "determined" to try hard. I did horribly on his daily quizzes that I felt were impossible. He asked for ridiculous details in the readings. I wrote "excellent" papers that he refused to to see the brilliance in. After making the same grade in his class twice I mulled over it all summer long, knowing I had to take him again. I started out feeling defeated, before the semester even started. But, then I made a pact with myself- that for once I was going to succeed at something that seemed impossible. I realized that while I thought his quizzes were impossible- I wasn't paying enough attention to, finishing or even doing the assigned reading. I went back and read over my past papers in his class- and they were awful. I had no idea what I was even talking about. I promised myself that I would do EVERYTHING I had to do to make an A in his class: miss as little class as possible, take excruciatingly detailed notes (every word that came out of his mouth), read all of the readings start to finish and start over if I started daydream and re-read anything I didn't understand, and figure out how to write the best papers I could possibly write for him. Our first grade in his class was an in class essay. I felt ready and confident for it, but still worried that my confidence wasn't real. When I got the test back, my hands were shaking. I bypassed all of the notes he made in the margins and went straight to the last page looking for my grade and I got an A. That test is currently hanging on my fridge. I kept going strong, and I did it. I proved to myself that it could be done. It was never him. It was me all along. I beat myself.
As far as my other classes. I am elated. I mean really- I have gone for so long believing that I wasn't smart enough to do this. But, I can. Like, even in my southern fiction class- an upper division class I didn't speak in there for over a month, because I felt that I wasn't on the same page as everyone else. But, I busted my butt this semester and it paid.
Today if the weather permits I am going to Baptist hospital for the birth of my niece. That feels weird to say. I guess TECHNICALLY by law she isn't related to me until May...but she will be. Mike's brother and sister-in-law are scheduled for a cesarean. Her name will be Molly Sue McFadden and I am really excited for her arrival. It's weird that getting married to someone brings these instant family members. I will be an aunt to two children. (Mike has a ten year old niece from his sister) Noone in my immediate family has any children and only two people that are really close to me have ever had children. One is my cousin and she didn't give birth here, and I rarely see her. The other is Jeannette who gave birth this past summer and I haven't even met her daughter yet. So, this is the first birth that I will get to be at the hospital for. I've never even seen a newborn in real life. And, to be honest. I think I have held, maybe 3 babies in my lifetime. This is all really new for me.
I only have 9 more episodes until I am finished with Lost. Then I can FINALLY finish reading the last Twilight book and then move on to greater and better things.
Art Appreciation A
American Lit II A
Expository Writing A
Modern Southern Fiction A
German B
British Lit II B
I did it. I finally made the Dean's List again, after failing to do so last semester. I had all A's and B's in the Spring except for in American Lit I...I made a C. My professor was Dr. Steven Ryan and I had him again for the second installment this semester. I also had him in the fall of 2006 for World Literature and also made a C. After the first time I had him, I got mad about my grade and blamed him. I told everyone he was unreasonable and an unfair grader. I had to take him again for the American Lit and experienced a similar tale. At the beginning of the semester I told Mike I wasn't expecting to do well in his class, but I was "determined" to try hard. I did horribly on his daily quizzes that I felt were impossible. He asked for ridiculous details in the readings. I wrote "excellent" papers that he refused to to see the brilliance in. After making the same grade in his class twice I mulled over it all summer long, knowing I had to take him again. I started out feeling defeated, before the semester even started. But, then I made a pact with myself- that for once I was going to succeed at something that seemed impossible. I realized that while I thought his quizzes were impossible- I wasn't paying enough attention to, finishing or even doing the assigned reading. I went back and read over my past papers in his class- and they were awful. I had no idea what I was even talking about. I promised myself that I would do EVERYTHING I had to do to make an A in his class: miss as little class as possible, take excruciatingly detailed notes (every word that came out of his mouth), read all of the readings start to finish and start over if I started daydream and re-read anything I didn't understand, and figure out how to write the best papers I could possibly write for him. Our first grade in his class was an in class essay. I felt ready and confident for it, but still worried that my confidence wasn't real. When I got the test back, my hands were shaking. I bypassed all of the notes he made in the margins and went straight to the last page looking for my grade and I got an A. That test is currently hanging on my fridge. I kept going strong, and I did it. I proved to myself that it could be done. It was never him. It was me all along. I beat myself.
As far as my other classes. I am elated. I mean really- I have gone for so long believing that I wasn't smart enough to do this. But, I can. Like, even in my southern fiction class- an upper division class I didn't speak in there for over a month, because I felt that I wasn't on the same page as everyone else. But, I busted my butt this semester and it paid.
Today if the weather permits I am going to Baptist hospital for the birth of my niece. That feels weird to say. I guess TECHNICALLY by law she isn't related to me until May...but she will be. Mike's brother and sister-in-law are scheduled for a cesarean. Her name will be Molly Sue McFadden and I am really excited for her arrival. It's weird that getting married to someone brings these instant family members. I will be an aunt to two children. (Mike has a ten year old niece from his sister) Noone in my immediate family has any children and only two people that are really close to me have ever had children. One is my cousin and she didn't give birth here, and I rarely see her. The other is Jeannette who gave birth this past summer and I haven't even met her daughter yet. So, this is the first birth that I will get to be at the hospital for. I've never even seen a newborn in real life. And, to be honest. I think I have held, maybe 3 babies in my lifetime. This is all really new for me.
I only have 9 more episodes until I am finished with Lost. Then I can FINALLY finish reading the last Twilight book and then move on to greater and better things.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
The now and the never
Well.....several people have brought to my attention that I have not updated in eons. Sorry. To be honest, I kinda forgot about this thing....there goes my social experiment.
I don't know why this is significant enough to comment on, but I went to Wal-mart this afternoon. I should mention, if you didn't know, but being in public in the first place usually scares me to death. Being around large groups of people gives me the heebie jeebies. Well, I don't know if it is because it is around the holidays, or a Friday, or maybe the end of the world is coming and no one told me, but it was crowded at like 2:00. After fighting my way through inconsiderate people and becoming one myself I stood in line for check out for 20 minutes. Yeah. My blood sugar started dropping and I was getting really shaky and the next thing that always follows is irritation. When I finally get to placing my items on the checkout counter I am fumbling through everything because my hands ar shaking beyond my own control. Then, after standing in line for forever with a line wrapping around the candy aisle behind me, the check out woman became Ms. Chatty Cathy with me. I am sure in other circumstances I would have found her to be quite charming and enjoyable. She looked JUST LIKE Shirley Macclaine in Steel Magnoilas and sounded like her, too. I normally would have found this kind of character intriguing, but I wanted to leave and I didn't want to hold up the line anymore. She starts talking to me about this sweatshirt I am wearing. Last year sometime when Mike was delivering plumbing parts to some company the manager gave him a free company sweatshirt. Mike gave it to me. I usually wear it with my pj's and never out in public. I do not enjoy advertising anything I am not personally connected with. But, I cleaned my parent's house today and had errands to run and I didn't feel like getting dolled up. So, she is talking to me about this company and asks if I work for them, and I politely tell her no and that I know nothing about them. This invites her to tell me ALL about it. They make faucets or something. And she had to describe in detail the quality of the company. Then, I hadd a 24 case of water in my shopping cart that I started to pick up, but she told me to leave it there, she would manually key it in because of the size. I go to pay, but I asked if she remembered the water, because THIS YEAR I have accidently stolen from walmart TWICE. Once with a spool of thread and another time with an onion and I don't want to make this a habit. Well, she forgot. But to make sure she had to print out the receipt and look it over which took forever. I felt like a douche. I knew I was taking forever BECAUSE OF HER and I don't like people waiting on me. Finally, she rang up the water, I paid and left.
Go ahead...say it..."Cool story, Meghann."
anyway, school is over for the semester. I don't think I ended as strongly as I would have liked. I was burnt out. I don't think I did BAD, but I don't think I did my best, either. I only have one grade so far for my online art class and I got an A. I had to do two actual art projects- like make art. The first was to do water color paintings to music. I had to pick two songs that were opposites and paint while listening. It was pretty cool, but my paintings are ridiculous. The second I like so much more. I had to make a collage of sorts using magazines or other materials. I clipped pictures from a fashion magazie and turned it into a nature scene. Like, I used this really cool spiraling piece of hair for a waterfall, a diamond for the sun, a green dress acted as bushes...you get the idea. I think it looks pretty neat. I keep waiting anxiously for my other professors to post grades. I am alittle worried. I should have A's and B's in all of my classes, but German is a little sketchy. I could make a B, but it all depends on how I did on the final, and I don't feel good about it. I will be pretty mad if that one class keeps me from making the Dean's list again. We shall see.
I got to see Mike tonight. He is parked at exit 27 off I24 in Kentucky. I drove up there and we had dinner at Cracker Barrel, then we went back to his truck and watched Fred Claus...which was actually pretty cute. I just love Christmas movies.
I have been obsessed with watching Lost lately. My brother Ryan has tried to get me to watch it for forever and I resisted for a long time. I am glad I decided to give it a chance, though. But, seriously it is comsuming my life. I dream about it every night- as if I am a character in the show.
i am really creepy.
I did this when I was reading Twilight, too....anything that I got hot and heavy in over powers my dreams.
I haven't wanted to really say anything about it just yet....but...my birthday is coming up soon. I turn 25 on December 28th. I always look forward to my birthday, and I always thought it was really stupid when people made a big deal about getting older. But, this birthday feels really different. I'm not trying to act like that at 25 I am over the hill- but 25...seriously...getting older is starting to get real. This birthday just feels different from the others...and it doesn't make me feel good.
I have to start looking for wedding dresses soon and I am terrified. I have been looking forward to doing everything else- but this. I haven't lost any weight and I am just really REALLY scared of not looking pretty on my wedding day. I know it looks bad to find something upseting about my wedding- and I'm not trying to get sympathy....but...it's just my fear that on the most important day of my life I am going to look stupid.
and end rant.
I'm so excited that it is Christmas time. I have already done so much to celebrate- usually I drop the ball- and I have so much more to look forward to. I have already done some shopping, but not everything. The tree is up, there is egg nogg in the kitchen, music on my ipod. I am ready.
I don't know why this is significant enough to comment on, but I went to Wal-mart this afternoon. I should mention, if you didn't know, but being in public in the first place usually scares me to death. Being around large groups of people gives me the heebie jeebies. Well, I don't know if it is because it is around the holidays, or a Friday, or maybe the end of the world is coming and no one told me, but it was crowded at like 2:00. After fighting my way through inconsiderate people and becoming one myself I stood in line for check out for 20 minutes. Yeah. My blood sugar started dropping and I was getting really shaky and the next thing that always follows is irritation. When I finally get to placing my items on the checkout counter I am fumbling through everything because my hands ar shaking beyond my own control. Then, after standing in line for forever with a line wrapping around the candy aisle behind me, the check out woman became Ms. Chatty Cathy with me. I am sure in other circumstances I would have found her to be quite charming and enjoyable. She looked JUST LIKE Shirley Macclaine in Steel Magnoilas and sounded like her, too. I normally would have found this kind of character intriguing, but I wanted to leave and I didn't want to hold up the line anymore. She starts talking to me about this sweatshirt I am wearing. Last year sometime when Mike was delivering plumbing parts to some company the manager gave him a free company sweatshirt. Mike gave it to me. I usually wear it with my pj's and never out in public. I do not enjoy advertising anything I am not personally connected with. But, I cleaned my parent's house today and had errands to run and I didn't feel like getting dolled up. So, she is talking to me about this company and asks if I work for them, and I politely tell her no and that I know nothing about them. This invites her to tell me ALL about it. They make faucets or something. And she had to describe in detail the quality of the company. Then, I hadd a 24 case of water in my shopping cart that I started to pick up, but she told me to leave it there, she would manually key it in because of the size. I go to pay, but I asked if she remembered the water, because THIS YEAR I have accidently stolen from walmart TWICE. Once with a spool of thread and another time with an onion and I don't want to make this a habit. Well, she forgot. But to make sure she had to print out the receipt and look it over which took forever. I felt like a douche. I knew I was taking forever BECAUSE OF HER and I don't like people waiting on me. Finally, she rang up the water, I paid and left.
Go ahead...say it..."Cool story, Meghann."
anyway, school is over for the semester. I don't think I ended as strongly as I would have liked. I was burnt out. I don't think I did BAD, but I don't think I did my best, either. I only have one grade so far for my online art class and I got an A. I had to do two actual art projects- like make art. The first was to do water color paintings to music. I had to pick two songs that were opposites and paint while listening. It was pretty cool, but my paintings are ridiculous. The second I like so much more. I had to make a collage of sorts using magazines or other materials. I clipped pictures from a fashion magazie and turned it into a nature scene. Like, I used this really cool spiraling piece of hair for a waterfall, a diamond for the sun, a green dress acted as bushes...you get the idea. I think it looks pretty neat. I keep waiting anxiously for my other professors to post grades. I am alittle worried. I should have A's and B's in all of my classes, but German is a little sketchy. I could make a B, but it all depends on how I did on the final, and I don't feel good about it. I will be pretty mad if that one class keeps me from making the Dean's list again. We shall see.
I got to see Mike tonight. He is parked at exit 27 off I24 in Kentucky. I drove up there and we had dinner at Cracker Barrel, then we went back to his truck and watched Fred Claus...which was actually pretty cute. I just love Christmas movies.
I have been obsessed with watching Lost lately. My brother Ryan has tried to get me to watch it for forever and I resisted for a long time. I am glad I decided to give it a chance, though. But, seriously it is comsuming my life. I dream about it every night- as if I am a character in the show.
i am really creepy.
I did this when I was reading Twilight, too....anything that I got hot and heavy in over powers my dreams.
I haven't wanted to really say anything about it just yet....but...my birthday is coming up soon. I turn 25 on December 28th. I always look forward to my birthday, and I always thought it was really stupid when people made a big deal about getting older. But, this birthday feels really different. I'm not trying to act like that at 25 I am over the hill- but 25...seriously...getting older is starting to get real. This birthday just feels different from the others...and it doesn't make me feel good.
I have to start looking for wedding dresses soon and I am terrified. I have been looking forward to doing everything else- but this. I haven't lost any weight and I am just really REALLY scared of not looking pretty on my wedding day. I know it looks bad to find something upseting about my wedding- and I'm not trying to get sympathy....but...it's just my fear that on the most important day of my life I am going to look stupid.
and end rant.
I'm so excited that it is Christmas time. I have already done so much to celebrate- usually I drop the ball- and I have so much more to look forward to. I have already done some shopping, but not everything. The tree is up, there is egg nogg in the kitchen, music on my ipod. I am ready.
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