The buzz the bang and the za za zoo

I haven't heard back from the cardiologist about my echo cardiogram. I have called his office twice, and both times I was told they would call me back. The second time the receptionist told me "no news is good news" and that if something was wrong, they probably would have already called me. She said this more in a tone to tell me to quit calling, though...so I don't know. I'm going to assume I am fine, though.

Although, the heart palps haven't stopped. They haven't gotten nearly as bad as the first night- but they have probably happened 5 or 6 more times. I'm not doctor, but I think I am having mini panic attacks- stress related...I have just over a month to go until the wedding, school, home life, and some other things going on right now...I mean it makes sense...I just hate it and wish it would stop.

In two- two and a half hours, my mom and I are leaving for Springfield, MO. She called me up Tuesday night and asked if I would drive her to go pick up a new standard poodle puppy. She didn't realize that's where Kashmir lives and was really happy for this surprising turn of events. So, I get to hang out with the 'Mir tonight and I couldn't be more excited. I haven't seen Kashmir since last summer and before that it was years.

I have made huge progress on wedding related things. I bought almost everything we need minus my veil, earrings, mike's wedding band, and contacts for me. Other than that our only other expenses are things like finish paying for our cake and paying to use the church and stuff. But as far as material items, we are almost done. I recently ordered our cake topper, my shoes, some favors and other things. I have been tying ribbons around things like crazy. It took me 3 hours to tie ribbons around sixty bottles of bubbles. I have eighty to go.

The best news of all is that we finally bought centerpieces. Our theme is "rustic garden party" and I really wanted to buy galvanized watering cans and use wildflowers in them. This turned into a really hard and difficult task. I couldn't find them at a reasonable price...I could find like one for five dollars and then the rest were anywhere from 30 to 200 a piece. Unreasonable. So then, we "regrouped" and tried thinking of a different idea. So, I found these really cute candle lanterns for 9.00 a piece. They were white with green vines painted on the glass. Really adorable, and I thought fit the theme. Well, Mike and I were at Hobby Lobby and we are looking around and Mike keeps trying to change the idea and is talking about doing class vases and stuff and I was getting REALLY frustrated because I felt like he was taking away from our original vision and I didn't want to do something normal. I didn't want glass vases- it's just not me.

Well...we are walking around trying to find stuff and Mike walks off without me as I go down another aisle. I found these green buckets, that I thought might be useful for something and I was calling Mike to come look. At the same time he is calling me to go see what he has. After a minute of "no you come here- no you come HERE" I finally gave in and went to see what he had spotted...

lo and behold....Mike found watering cans at 50% off. They aren't exactly galvanized. Some have decorations on them, some are plain but they are effing cute.

Now, we are working on our playlist for the reception. It's really hard, too...I want people to dance, but I also want to play music I like...but some of that isn't good for dancing, or the um..older people at the wedding will not know it and might not dance because of that...so I am trying to balance things out.

I just can't wait for it to be here and then zooming off to Vegas....we BOTH need a vacation.

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Well...this week past week will probably go down as a contender for one of the worst weeks of my life.

Let's recap:

Two Thursdays ago my family dog is put to sleep.
The next day my cat goes missing for two days, putting me under lots of stress and fragile nerves.
Monday my car breaks down.

and the finale...

drum roll.........

Wednesday I go to the emergency room.

First, I don't go to the hospital. I don't have insurance- lost it when I dropped out of college the first time around. I have no business being in a place so dang expensive.

However, Wednesday night me and the fam minus my dad are watching Lost- our Wednesday night ritual. We ate sandwiches for dinner. I did not eat well that day- in fact- hardly anything. After one sandwich I was still starving and went downstairs to make another one during a commercial break. It was taking me a really long time to eat. I started about ten minutes before Lost started and I finished at like 8:40- two sandwiches took me almost an hour.

Anyway, that is all probably really irrelevant. Sometime after finishing, I started to get really thirsty- my mouth was just so dry. Then, I started to get really funny feeling. My heart was beating hard- like pounding through my chest, but the beat was really off and irregular. Then, everything started going black and I could physically feel myself slipping- like I was going to past out. But, I felt this surge of energy and pushed myself out of it. I pretended everything was ok, but it happened again, almost immediately.

Nervous, I said outloud "I think I am going to faint." This of course startled my mother. I tried to sit up straight and on the edge of my seat and try to feel completely aware of my body and in control. But, my heart wouldn't stop fluttering and I kept feeling myself try to slip. I managed to hold on through the rest of Lost. As soon as it was over, I went down stairs to the kitchen to get some water and walk around. But after awhile I felt like I should sit. Nothing was going away.

My mom asked if I was ok, and I started crying- which got everyone else worried. I was just really nervous...I couldn't breathe right...my heart felt like it was trying to escape...and I was nervous to try to drive myself home incase I went out cold.

My mom insisted on taking me to the emergency room, so Jason drove me and my mom there.

On the way it got worse. I was hot all over...and really really anxious. I couldn't sit still. When we got to the ER and they gave me my paper work I couldn't remember my information- like my birthday- couldn't tell you...it was really scary.

My mom told the receptionist that I was having heart palpitations and that I had a heart condition. Thankfully, this meant I got to go back almost immediately and by pass the other people who had been waiting for who knows how long. The bad news was, something serious was happening to make me go before everyone else.

So they took me back by myself and immediately hooked me up to an EKG machine and started taking my vitals and stuff. I told the nurse everything that happened, told her about my heart condition, and mentioned that I had worked out that day- alot more that what I usually do.

After some people came in and out of my room, they took a chest x-ray- which by the way they brought the x-ray machine to my room- how cool is that? Then they took some blood samples. THEN they took me to have a CT scan on my head and my chest. They were most concerned with my chest scan to look at my aorta....I have this condition called Marfan Syndrome- google it. But, one thing is that I am prone to tearing my aorta- and they wanted to see if it was ok.

It was just so strange- not knowing what the heck was wrong with me- it's like...usually you go to the ER because you know what happened- oops, you broke your arm...or you stepped on a nail...or your whatever...but I was clueless and terrified. Not to mention, I have recently discovered that I HATE being in confined spaces and that scanning business was unreasonable. They had to give me this IV injection...they called it a Contrast...for my chest scan...the guy administering it told me it would make my whole body hot, my feet tingle, and some people say it makes them feel like they have wet themselves. Because he said some people, I figured I wouldn't experience that....until I did...and I swear to you...it felt like I was peeing my pants...and for a few minutes I thought maybe I had.

Anyway, after four long hours at the ER, several tests, and finally calming down- they really had nothing for me. All of the tests came back fine. They said I was just having heart palpitations which can be brought on from several things...including stress...

I have to say...I think this was a pretty stressful week...

But, because I have Marfan Syndrome and haven't seen a doctor about it in about seven years, the doctor said he wanted me to have an ultra sound done on my heart. I used to have this done every year from the time I was diagnosed in 1991 until I graduated in 2002.

So, I got that scheduled for today. It was surreal- I hadn't done that in so long- but it was something so regular in my life. My heart looks like an African boy playing a drum...seriously...I also got to hear it...I remember when I was a kid that part used to give my dad the heebeejeebees. When I was a kid, they had tv's hanging from the ceiling to keep us still during the procedure. The first time I went, they were playing a Muppet movie. It was just really weird...doing this again...but being grown. It would be like...selling lemonade on the side of the road or trying to play with Barbies...

It's going to be awhile until I get the results. I just hope I'm ok and I hope I don't have to have any kind of surgery or anything. I hope it was all just stress and a minor freak out.

So, goodbye week of march 26th, 2009- april 1st, 2009. I hope I never have to think of you ever again. Thanks for all the horrible memories...panic feelings....and keeping me stranded.

Here's to a better tomorrow.